Thoughts of a pilgrim on a journey...

Missing You

2011-06-23T08:52:00.010-04:00

Fourteen years...It's been a long time since I've heard your voice. I remember being in a crowd of thousands, but your's was the one voice I could hear over all the others; and at times I still do.

It's been a long time since we went to out to dinner or watched a movie together. I remember coming home and you would be watching some movie on cable. Instead of going to bed, I would sit down on the couch and watch along with you. The movie Miracle was on TV the other day. I know that you would love it. We would talk about Mike Eruzione and when we first met him at the Sports Arena.

I miss going out to dinner with you. Even though you were a great cook, you still loved to go out and eat. I go to Bob Evans in the summer and order your favorite dish -- their Chicken Salad Plate and think of you. Holidays and family gatherings just aren't the same without you. I have given up thinking that they ever will be. We tried, but everyone grieved in their own way. We've splintered over the years. You wouldn't be happy with us. Now, we try to have our own family traditions for our children -- ones that measure up to the traditions you created for us. I don't know if I am succeeding...

It's been 14 long years since you've given me advice on marriage, raising kids or life. My heart aches at how much you've missed. Just the playing of the National Anthem at Megan's graduation brought me to tears because I know that had you been there...had you been there, you would have brought your cowbell and would be ringing it at the "home of the free" part and when she walked across the stage.

A friend sent me a picture. I knew it was coming, but as I opened up the envelope, the tears began to flow. I was caught off guard by my emotions. It was a picture that I hadn't seen before. Suddenly, we were back in time to my senior year of high school. And for once, you weren't behind the lens of the camera. (I know where I get it from -- mother like daughter) It wasn't a posed shot that you arranged. You were casually walking towards a friend. And maybe that is what did me in. Because more than all the other arranged snapshots that I have of you, this -- this is the way that I remember you; in the everyday little stuff.

Sometimes, I wish that I had a day with you again just to talk--mostly about the kids. I know it would not be enough time to get your advice. But at the same time, I know exactly what you would say to me; how I should handle the situation. I know because you taught me well. You were always consistent in your advice, whether it was to family or friend.

And I know that I would be kidding myself in thinking that one day would be enough. Someday, we will have all of eternity together. I know that -- God's promises are true! As Believers, we know that once we leave this earth, we are in the prescence of our Lord Jesus Christ. And when my time comes, I somehow imagine you giving Him a second to welcome me home...and maybe even elbowing Him out of the way! ;) Then, I will have all the time I need to catch up with you :) Until then, I miss you, Mom!

Morning has broken...

2008-10-04T13:16:00.004-04:00

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.

Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

Psalm 143:8

New Shoes

2008-09-19T08:24:00.008-04:00

Just before school started, we bought new shoes. A pair for me and a pair for Erin. I got to wear my shoes one time.

"Can I try your shoes to see if they fit better?" And I haven't worn them again. They have taken a beating - running five miles a day. They have been out in the rain and through the mud. They are now exclusively cross country shoes.

We are in the teen stage of life where your kids run you ragged...and they can even run your shoes ragged too!

Boys!

2008-07-17T18:57:00.006-04:00

I had an impromptu photo shoot of my nephews in my in-laws front yard -- what fun! They were rolling and tumbling all over each other and I just kept taking pictures!

Under the Sea

2008-07-17T18:52:00.004-04:00

Steve and the girls had a lot of fun at our Daddy-Daughter Dance! I am thankful that the girls still think that their dad is cool and wanted to go out on a date!

How do you define it?

2008-07-14T20:55:00.004-04:00

Time.

You never have enough of it.

Time - do you spend it or do you invest it?

It goes by too slowly when you are sick. Even slower when you are pregnant or waiting for a teenage driver to get back home from prom.

Time goes by too quickly when you are on vacation. Even faster when you are out on a date with your husband.

Time - days into months; into seasons; into years; into decades.

A while back, my dear friend Heather, mentioned on the Praisebooking message boards about something from the 60's being "vintage". I thought that was rather funny. I was born in 1965 and never considered myself "vintage". We enjoyed teasing Heather about her choice of words. It could have been worse.

Antique. Classic (that's not really offensive though). But today, really took the cake!

As I pulled out of the Meijer's parking lot, I admired a black Z-28 with gold trim. I am not great at guessing the year of a car. My rough estimate would place it at late 70's to an early 80's model. It was nearly perfect, except for the fact that it was missing a bumper. This car was would have been the envy of every young man that I went to school with. (I graduated in 1984.)

I was smiling until I looked at the license plate. It was a historical plate!

What?! How can something that was made many years after I was born be considered "historical"?

Now, vintage isn't sounding offensive to me. After all, fine wines are often called vintage and vintage cars are valuable.

Help Wanted: Experienced Groundkeeper Needed Now!

2008-06-28T11:12:00.008-04:00

My groundskeeper is on vacation.

Actually, my teenage son who cuts the grass is off at volunteering at camp. For two, very long weeks. That has given us the opportunity to re-organize the troops and have others pick up his jobs.

Here is the dilemma. Out of our family of five, the oldest daughter is on a 10 day mission trip to Brazil. The only other male in the family was travelling this week on business. That left the dog, who only leaves landmines in the yard, and my 14 1/2 year old daughter. We have sworn that she will never be able to drive while she lives at home. (The daughter, not the dog) She enjoys speed way too much. And, since we value our riding mower and the trees around our home, it was left up to me.

We've had a week of hot temperatures here in Michigan. Think sauna, greenhouse, rainforest type weather. Perfect for making the grass grow quickly. When I finally got a day away from my PT work, the grass was over due to be cut. I had to break up the job due to previously a scheduled appointment and the forecast called for rain. Not good. Sure, I could cancelled my appointment, but I figured that touching up the roots of my hair was more important than the lawn! My husband wouldn't agree, but I could live with long grass; not with dark roots!

We live in a subdivision. One neighbor has a "real" lawn service come in and do their lawn. Another neighbor loves to do his lawn. His lawn should be in an ad for Scott's Turfbuilder. I have witnessed him out on his mower in March. He's like one of those people who enjoys to exercise every morning at 4 a.m. You step back and shake your head in wonder and envy; wishing you could be a little more like him.

As I pushed the mower out of the garage I was beginning to feel that I was not up to the task. I was a bit out of my element. Maybe, I could let the lawn go four more days until the groundskeeper returned...No, that wouldn't do. I sat down on the mower and literally had to read the instruction labels for nearly five minutes before I could get the machine started!

I finally eased off the driveway and onto the grass. It took over 90 seconds to figure out how to engage the blades. Engaging the blades was not listed anywhere in the instructions! The blades were labeled in symbols, and not in very good ones at that! Some engineer must have thought it would be easier to label in symbols rather than words...NOT!

One important fact: My legs aren't as long as my son's or my husband's. When I tried to ease off the brake, I would jerk like a teen learning to drive a stick shift! Or like a cowboy coming out of the shutte at rodeo! If our neighbors were at home, I was the cheap entertainment for the afternoon. I never did quite get the hang of easing off the brake. I was a greenhorn in the lawn rodeo!

Later, I looked like a NASCAR driver at the Indy 500. We have a hill in our yard, that intimidated the daylights out of me. There was no way that I would try to drive back up that hill once I came down it. So, I'd drive all the way around the house at the highest speed to come down making another cutting pass.

Our mower is a regular riding mower. Not one of those fancy things that can turn on a dime. (We'll probably get one of those when our son goes off to college and my husband takes the lawn back over.) Our mower requires some backing up in order to keep the lines even. Let's just say that my pattern that started out as a rectangle was turning into an oval. It was not looking like anything I had seen the neighbors do. Nor my son for that matter.

I was beginning to worry about if I was doing it "right" or what my son would say when he returned home. If I was lucky, maybe they would feel sorry for me and ask me not to do it the next time. Halfway through the job, I resolved in my mind that it didn't matter the pattern or if it was like everyone elses lawn in the neighborhood. I decided that I needed to embraced my free for all patterns and go against the flow lawn cutting methods. If I saw a patch of grass I missed -- I'd just drive over to it and mow it down! If I was a figure skater, I'd get high marks for using up all of the ice and for the flow and gracefulness to my routine!

It rained halfway through the job. I stopped long enough to come inside and put on a dark T-shirt. Then, I want back out in the rain to keep going. The rain stopped after a few minutes and I was able to finish up without anymore problems.

The grass should be cut again on Monday.
My groundskeeper returns home on Monday.
Maybe I need to consider giving him a raise....

New Beginnings

2008-06-16T09:41:00.005-04:00

During the past few weeks, we have been privileged to share in special life events of our family and closest friends -- new beginnings in their life's journey.

At the end of May, we attended a college graduation. Not unusual in and of itself, but this wasn't a usual college graduation. It was graduation at the United States Military Academy - West Point. We were honored to be invited to experience this with Keith. He was a kid in our youth group. A kid that my husband taught in both in middle school and high school. A kid that used to be shorter than my oldest daughter even though he was two grades ahead of her (and she teased him about it!). A kid that had a dream of going to West Point and has wonderful parents that helped him through the process. A kid who knowingly and willingly entered West Point and military service to our country while we were at war.

The predicted rain clouds were not in sight as I walked towards Michie Stadium for the ceremony. Family and friends of graduating cadets poured in. There was a charge of excitement in the air. Men from other branches of the military proudly wore their uniform.

An elderly man - a veteran was walking ahead of me. He was wearing a white shirt and tie, and his black veteran's hat, embroidered with gold lettering and stating his service. I could not make out his tour of combat, but that did not matter. He had served his country -- my country. Another man passed by. He was helping shuttle people to the stadium. He stopped his golf cart, saluted him and said, "Veteran, thank you for your service!". The elderly man just nodded his head in acknowledgement and kept walking. It brought tears to my eyes and I began to pray - thanking God for men and women who served in the armed forces.

Never before have I been to a graduation where the words "sacrifice" and "death" were in the uttered in the speech addressing the seniors. Life is not always about better jobs and advancement. We watched as this "kid" from our youth group knelt in the chapel along with other Christ believing officers. We were able to witness this new beginning in his life as his parents laid hands on him and prayed over him. We watched this young man be sworn in by his spiritual mentor as he pledge to uphold the Constitution of the United States.

New beginnings.
Letting go of the past.
Embracing the unknown that lies ahead.
Accepting that it may involve some tears and sacrifice.
Anticipating that joy also lies ahead.

Up North - part 1

2008-04-11T07:22:00.006-04:00

Up North. For most people those two words don't mean very much. But for a Michigander, it speaks volumes. Our pastor, who is from Texas, has commented that when we say "I'm going up north", that we get a longing, starry-eyed, dreamy look about us. Almost like when a believer talks about heaven.

My ignorance and introduction:
I was once in his shoes. I didn't understand the whole "up north" concept. I was born and raised in Ohio. I am the youngest of eight children and both of my parents worked. We didn't have the money to go on vacations. (As a mom, I now realize that the reason was for the sake of my mom's sanity.)

Anyway, my ignorance about up north vanished when I met and married a Michigan man. :) Soon, I began to hear the stories about up north. I became familar with words like UP, pasties, Black Lake, and Mackinac Island fudge. I also learned how to point out places on my Michigan map -- the back of my left hand. He was so good at describing places, that he could have been employed by the Michigan Department of Tourism!

I took my first trip up north when we were dating. His parents had recently moved to the UP and we were going to visit. I had questions that I did not voice. Why were we headed north, where it was going to be much colder and there was nothing to do?

Lessons learned:
We began the normal 6 hour drive up from Ohio on Memorial Day weekend. If you're a Michigander - you're either smiling to yourself or groaning and shaking your head about now. Lesson #1: there is no such thing as a "normal 6 hour drive" on a holiday weekend here in Michigan! On any weekend during the summer, add an extra hour of travel time to your itinerary. On a holiday weekend, add at least two!

It seems as most of the population of the lower part of the state desides to escape north on weekends. If you live down south in a hurricane prone area - imagine a state ordered evacuation. That is a perfect picture of our highways. On my first up north excursion, it was no different. Traffic was horrendous! We were driving a speedy about 40 mph in bumper to bumper, with no room for error traffic. If you weren't stressed before your journey began - you would be at the mid-point of the drive. Lesson #2: If you're in traffic and driving over 40 mph, consider yourself making good time.

Driving behind (and dodging around) RV's pulling trailers can be a dashboard gripping experience. Mind you, that most of these trailers are loaded down with bikes, lawn chairs and ATV's. The scary part is that most have not been road tested since last fall. We were behind such a camper pulling an extra trailer, when I noticed a wheel on the trailer begin to wobble. Steve was intently watching the road and looking for the opportunity to pass like a NASCAR pro. He didn't notice the wobbling wheel ahead of us. I didn't want to break his concentration. But, after a few minutes of watching the wobble become more and more pronounced, I pointed it out to Steve. He swifty found an opening and passed the suspect camper. Within a few minutes, we notice cars swirving behind us. Then ,we saw a wheel rolling into the ditch! I began to question if this trip was worth the headache of a long and stressful drive. Lesson #3: It's good to have an extra set of eyes watching for hazards.

Lesson #4: I learned about 2 hours into the trip. Don't drink anything! Need I say more? I think he finally stopped about hour #3 after looking for a "better exit"!

Lesson #5: The only place to stop for food is Tony's in Birch Run. Plan to share and split a dinner. Where else do they sell chili by the gallon? And where else do you get a full pound when you order a side of bacon?

Lesson #6: You know that you are truly up north when you see the white birch on both sides of the highway. Or during the winter months, when you see an abundance of snow! Welcome to the snow belt!

Lesson #7: The stress of the drive begins to ease and you begin to relax by the time your reach West Branch. If you don't know where that is, raise your left hand - palm away from you. It is just above your middle knuckle between your middle and ring finger. :)

Lesson #8: People who visit the UP and don't live there are called "fudgies". AKA a tourist who comes north for the fudge.

Lesson #9: You have to throw a penny when you at the highest point of the Mighty Mac bridge according to my husband. Why? I don't know -- that's just what you do.

Lesson #10: Pasties in the store aren't "real". To be real the must have the following:

Hamburger only! Never chicken or broccoli. And never try to make them healthy with lean ground beef. You need the fatty stuff stuff or they will be dry as sawdust.

Never, ever, cover them with gravy -- that's a sin. If you must top it with something, only use ketchup.

They have to have rutabega in them.

And they have to be made by Steve's Finnish grandma. :)

Lesson #11: Up north isn't exactly a place...it's a mindset and attitude. It's where you escape from the bustle of life. Where you get away from technology and learn to unwind. Up north is where you discover the joy of reading a book by the lake. Where you look up into the night sky and see God's handiwork displayed. Where your kids discover how to play without things that use batteries or take electricty. Instead of gathering around a TV at night, you gather around a campfire. Where's your up north?

And if your "up north" happens to be located in Michigan, it's all the better. Lesson #12: After all, it's God's country (according to my father-in-law) AND touched by God...thus the shape of the state! ;)

Dreaming of ....

2008-02-28T09:49:00.004-05:00

I can't stand it any more!
I know it's coming.
I can feel it.
Sense it.
Almost taste it, if I close my eyes.
But if I look out my window, I almost think otherwise! All I see is white stuff and I trudge off to turn up the thermostat to 68 degrees.

I know spring and warmer temperatures are around the corner. But until then, I'll bundle up, inhale deeply of the coconut scented sunscreen in the hallway closet and dream! And look at the new background of my blog! As I slid my feet into my slippers to get warm, I will pretend I am warming them in the sand at the ocean's shore!

I've Been Tagged!

2008-02-23T14:11:00.002-05:00

I was tagged by my scrapbooking friend and sister in Christ, Kristi!

Tag rules:
1. "The point of this fun game is to answer the questions..." Whew...that's easy enough!

2. "...Then tag 4 of your friends and post their names on your blog." (She tagged most of my blogging friends, so where does that leave me?! ;) )

3. "You might want to leave them a message telling them they've been tagged. Oh, and I make a new rule: absolutely no retagging." :( I have to go in search of friends! :O

Where Were You 10 Years Ago?
Adjusting to life after my mom passed away. Driving my kids back and forth to school and volunteering at school. I then decided to go back to college and earn my associate's degree as a library technician. I joke that it took me 20 years to earn a two year degree!

5 Things On My To-Do List:

Raise children who love the Lord with all their heart, soul, mind and strength.
To be the women of my husband's dreams!
Grow spiritually.
Scrapbook more often -- I accept the fact that I will never be caught up.
Stress less.

3 Bad Habits:

Comparing myself with others.
Wanting to do the fun and creative stuff first over the everyday stuff. (read a book over laundry, for example. Or scrap over dusting. Watch HGTV over going for a walk)
Putting the everyday stuff off to the last minute before company arrives. (Hmmmmm, maybe I should schedule a friend to visit every day to force myself to do the mundane?)

Places I Have Lived:

Toledo, OH / NW OH area - childhood and early married life

Athens, OH - college

Livingston Co., MI - from '94 to present

Things Most People Don't Know About Me:

My 15 minutes of Fame: During spring break of my 8th grade year, I was locked in with other girls at the mall. We twirled batons for 72 hours and 15 minutes, and set a Guiness Book World Record. (1981 edition - late entries)

I thought giving birth was easy. (In case you are wondering...I went natural.)

In my marriage: I am the introvert - Steve is the outgoing one.

I need a hug a day.

I'd love to own a bookstore or be a photographer.

Here Are The Lucky People I Tag:

I haven't yet! I'm off to do #4 on my above to do list! ;)

Thoughts on a word....

2008-01-29T08:26:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had a child ask you what a particular word means?

I love to tell them: "Look it up in the dictionary." They will huff and puff, then sigh and try to manipulate me into telling them what the word means. 90% of the time I don't give in. After they find it (in a real dictionary with pages -- not online) I love to have them read the definition aloud. I am usually surprised by a few of the other descriptive words in the definition. Those will cause a "hmmmmm" in my brain, making me ponder and reflect. The synonyms and antonyms often shed additional light on the definition. Often causing me to say to myself, "I've never thought of it that way before."

This week, it wasn't a particular word that the kids asked me about. It was one the Lord laid on my own heart. I have been struggling with busyness and making time for Him in the morning. I will ask my kids, "Have you had your devotions?" but then lack to make time for my own. Yeah, I know, I know - practice what you preach!

I often wonder who came up with the term "devotions" used to describe that personal time of study and prayer. I started thinking about devotions in general. Most believers have times in their life when their daily devotions are out of duty. Sometimes rushed without hearing the Lord truly speak. They are not out of a sense of joy. Sometimes they are done just to put a check mark next to the the daily reading, so we can feel good about ourselves. But are we really progressing on the journey towards sanctification?

I had to do what the I tell my kids and look up the word, wanting to have a better grasp of what they are and are not. Here it goes with my thoughts/questions in a different color:

de·vo·tion –noun
1. profound dedication; consecration. Am I dedicated daily to the Lord? Do I offer myself up and surrender to do His will? And profound? How am I doing in that area?
2. earnest attachment to a cause, person, etc. Am I living out my "earnest attachment" to Christ? Or am I earnestly attached to my family or things of this world?

3. an assignment or appropriation to any purpose, cause, etc.: the devotion of one's wealth and time to scientific advancement. He has given me a purpose -- what am I doing with it?

4. Often, devotions. Ecclesiastical. religious observance or worship; a form of prayer or worship for special use. How is my attitude when approaching my devotions, quiet time, time of study? Do I see it as a time of worship?

[—Synonyms 2. zeal, ardor. See love. Zeal? Love...OK, love makes sense, but I'll look it up anyways....
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

zeal–noun
fervor for a person, cause, or object; eager desire or endeavor; enthusiastic diligence; ardor Would I describe my walk as one with fervor? An eager desire for Christ and being transformed into His image? Am I enthusiastic? Am I diligent?
—Synonyms intensity, passion.
—Antonyms apathy. :0 Yikes! Am I apathetic towards my Savior? Truthfully, I am at times. :(
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

Now to look up the word "love". I was quite surprised to see 28 distinct definitions! I bolded the words that stood out to me. I've cut out the others for sake of space.

love noun, verb, loved, lov·ing. –noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
10. strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
11. the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
12. the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
15. to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.
16. to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).
17. to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.
18. to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.
19. to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover. Do I embrace my time with Christ and studying His Word as I would that time when my husband comes in the door from work? Do I look forward to that time with anticipation?
21. to have love or affection for another person; be in love.
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

My encouragement to you is this. Step back and take an assessment of your walk. Will you always be 100% on? No. But you can watch for warning signs and keep from drifting. I am praying that you and I will make time for our devotions --daily. Not out of duty or of guilt, but with a heart of love, that is passionate about your Creator - Redeemer - Lord - Savior - Lover of your soul.

And just because...

ap·a·thy n.
Lack of interest, concern, or emotion; indifference. Double YIKES!
The American Heritage® Stedman's Medical DictionaryCopyright © 2002, 2001, 1995 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company.

Just another day

2008-01-24T07:46:00.001-05:00

It's just another day as the week begins to wind down for our family. But today isn't just another day. Today, I have to work but I am trying my hand at blogging. That is a new frontier for me. The last time it didn't work out so well. I could never seem to find my way back to the blog! Couldn't log in, couldn't add another post! I ended up deleting it!

It's not that I'm technology inept. I have a cell phone. A Palm Pilot. I also have a digital camera and I know how to edit my photos too! I can also set the clock on my DVD player....I almost said VCR -- now that would show my age!

Well, I'll hit the publish post and see what happens. If you never see another post, you will know I've given up! Or it may take a while until I convince one of my teens to help bail me out!